How I Recovered From Severe Anxiety

Deep Dark Trenches

It is a late afternoon in February 2024, and I find myself in my psychologist's windowless office. Tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks as he discusses how severe the anxiety case was. It was difficult for me to function in my day. My father was also present in the meeting to understand what I was going through (although he couldn't) and to support me in my healing journey that would follow. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, which had been overwhelming my ability to live normally for months. It felt like an invisible machine was 'crushing' my consciousness, causing intense mental pain.

It felt like an invisible machine was 'crushing' my consciousness, causing intense mental pain.

I was barely holding myself together in front of people, and I couldn't imagine what my future would look like. I was trapped in my head, as if I were watching life around me unfold like a movie. Then, there are my thoughts. Reactive, fearful, and spinning out of control, revolving around how bad my mental health situation was. Anxiety distorted my world vision. Fear and negativity plagued me without any external reason. I heard my psychologist say that the recovery process would take between one and a half and three years, but I had to change my solitary, delusional lifestyle. So in that moment, I made a promise to myself - that no matter how bad my current situation was, I'm going to get out of it. I'm going to do whatever is necessary to get myself out of the rut I have fallen into. I gripped onto faith, rolled my sleeves, and started walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel, which I couldn't yet see.

The Recovery Process

I started my recovery process the very moment I left my therapist's meeting. I experimented with many things on my healing journey, so I will outline here what helped me most. There isn't a particular order to them.

Faith

At the beginning, the intensity of my anxiety was so high that I couldn't imagine how it would get better. So what I did was I gripped onto faith. I trusted the healing process and that things would improve over time, despite the ruminating thoughts in my head that screamed otherwise. I also started nurturing a new life philosophy at the time - that life is a miracle, no matter what happens, and every experience is intrinsically pleasant, merely because it is part of life.

Life is a miracle, no matter what happens, and every experience is intrinsically pleasant, merely because it is part of life.

That faith and the new perspective brought me a tiny sense of relief. I trusted deeply that no matter how terrible I felt, there was a way out.

Serving others

Back in 2024, I was at a very low point in my life. I felt that all my efforts to improve my mental health weren't working, even though I knew they should. Then, I felt an inexplicable urge to help others around me, to serve them, as a way to find purpose and transcend my suffering.

I felt an inexplicable urge to help others around me, to serve them, as a way to find purpose and transcend my suffering.

And this is what I did. I got a job at the McDonald's in my neighborhood and worked part-time there during the summer of 2024. Fulfilling clients' orders gave me a sense of contribution. Paradoxically, my suffering lessened as a result of serving something other than myself.

Dancing

Back when I felt severe anxiety, I also felt very lonely, isolated from society and from fellow human beings. I missed love, I missed the connection with people in my life. So I felt the need to sign up for dancing classes again (since I already knew about them), and that's what I did. I started attending Salsa & Bachata lessons twice a week. On weekends, I regularly went to Latin parties at one of Sofia's Latin hot spots, Club Caliente in the city center (sadly, it closed). In the months that followed, I made new friends, laughed a lot, fell in love, learned to care about other people, and discovered how foundational human connection is to one's mental well-being.

I learned to care about other people and discovered how foundational human connection is to one's mental well-being.

Latin dancing brought light to the darkness I was experiencing. It helped me rediscover that life had moments of joy, and I just had to open my heart and mind to them.

Focusing on the future, not the past

When a person is experiencing great psychological pain, there is a tendency to start searching for its cause in the past. The mind thinks that once you find it, you will also find a solution to the problem. But this can lead to a vicious cycle in which you continuously dwell on the past whenever you are anxious, looking for reasons. You become stuck. Instead, I thought it was a much better approach to focus on creating a desirable future, one I want to live in, and focus on taking the necessary actions in the present moment. This perspective shift positively influenced my mental state for the day. Why? Since my focus was not on my anxiety, the reasons from the past, and the rumination in my mind, but rather on my future self.

It doesn't matter who you have been in the past or who you are at the present. What matters is who you want to be.

I took driving lessons and got my driving license. I imagined myself as a great Latin dancer who went to festivals and got attention with his great dance style and vibes. I worked out, which brings me to the next item on the list - Sport.

Sport

Sport helped me tremendously over the past 2 years in my healing process. I tried many different sports, including, but not limited to: Dancing, Running, Calisthenics, Gym, Pilates, Yoga, Feminine Hip-Hop, and more. However, what stuck with me was Calisthenics and Running. Calisthenics in the gym in the Netherlands was a way for me to get out of my head and into my body. When the pain of an exercise hit me, my mind couldn't focus on what was wrong in my life; it focused on the difficulty of the exercise in the present moment. So over these two hours, the "tight knot" of anxiety inside my head was almost unnoticeable. I am really thankful that I used sport in those moments, instead of running for alcohol or some other destructive addiction. I was being antifragile, although I didn't know it at the time. Antifragility is a term popularized by the famous writer Nassim Taleb.

To be antifragile means to grow stronger rather than break down when exposed to stressors.

While someone else in my position might have developed alcoholism, reaching for alcohol as a way out, I got stronger by working out. This habit of hitting a workout in moments of pain allowed me to regain 10+ kg of muscle mass, despite having an active autoimmune condition.

Meditation

Here it comes, the habit everyone is talking about nowadays - meditation. The way I practiced meditation was by sitting or lying down in a quiet space, with my eyes closed, and observing the thoughts that came to mind without chasing them. I was noticing my thoughts. I have to say it was extremely painful and difficult to do this practice. The reason is that meditation eliminates external distractions, allowing the thoughts and sensations to fill in that space. Since I was having anxious thoughts, it was like watching a horror movie unroll in my head, and I was the main character. It was very unpleasant. However, the evidence behind the benefits of meditation was very solid. So I trusted it, and I did the practice. The way meditation helped me in this period was by allowing me to face my anxiety head-on, and it showed me that I could endure sitting with the unpleasant thoughts and feelings. This practice of observing my thoughts and feelings created some breathing room between me and my anxiety. It allowed me to live in parallel with my anxiety without being so entangled in it.

Great sleep

The correlation between regular, high-quality sleep and better mental health is very strong. What I'm about to say may sound weird, but it worked wonders. I identified myself as a professional sleep athlete, similarly to Bryan Johnson. This identification as a sleep athlete made my subconscious think that sleep is very important and that I should prioritize it. Since it was difficult to fall asleep, I learned and applied a plethora of science-backed techniques to fall asleep faster and improve the quality of my sleep. I aimed to get to bed around 22:30-23, and avoided my phone an hour before my bedtime. I used a diffuser with lavender and pine essential oils to calm my nervous system and bring the scent of nature into my bedroom, further relaxing me. I had my last meal at least 3-4 hours before bed to get into that restorative, deep sleep in the first half of the night. Everything I did during the day as a way to improve my mental health was only a signal to my nervous system to change. The actual change and improvement happened during sleep. That was when the nervous system rewired itself, based on what I did during the day. As I held onto faith, served others, danced, focused on the future and not the past, practiced meditation, and didn't give as much attention to my anxious thoughts, the brain connections for anxiety got weaker, day after day. In contrast, the connections for calmness, peace, and joy grew stronger. Over the months, sleep was what made the actual positive changes in my thoughts and feelings happen.

Where I Stand Today

As I'm writing this, it is already June 2026, two years and four months after that meeting with my therapist in his office. My anxiety has improved to the point where I have a general peace of mind during my day, and I can engage in new activities without panic and fear overwhelming me, but don't get me wrong - I still experience regular moments of anxiety. However, compared to two years ago, it is 10 times less intense and much less often. I still feel a resonance in my mind of the difficult past. I'm more likely than my peers to jump to worst-case scenarios and draw quick negative conclusions. I understand that and accept it as part of me at the current stage in my life. I know I'm changing it with the daily work I put in. I still aim to get regular, high-quality sleep. I meditate once or twice a day for 20 minutes, and I also do "micro-meditations" throughout my day that last a few seconds, which have a constant relaxing effect on my system. I still dance salsa and bachata (I love bachata more!) Recently, trying out kizomba, too. I don't think so much about myself, my problems, or my achievements; instead, I ask, "How can I contribute to society here in Bulgaria and the world?", and then I get to work. I take bold decisions to engage in new activities and go to places I have never been before. The work is still going, but I'm fine with that. I feel excited about the future and the great things that will happen to me in ways I can not imagine now.